Saturday, January 19, 2008

Chaps My Butt: On Snow Days, Get Off My Ice

I swear, I am going to slap the fire out of someone if I hear this one more time:

You Southerners don't know how to drive on ice.

Uh, like you do? The operative words are "drive" (something you Yankees need to learn to do without one hand on the horn & a finger in the air) & "ice" (something no one can drive on anyway, so don't give me that all High-&-Mighty crap).

In GA we don't waste the taxpayer dollars on snow plows & salt trucks because we rarely have need of them. And on those rare occassions, e.g. this weekend, when we do get snow or ice, it is a Southern Holiday. The tradition is that we close down everything, sit in our warm homes, drink hot-chocolate (kids & Baptists) or spirited beverages (everyone else) & spend time with our families.

Don't mess with our tradition.

You must not have read that section in the Southerner's Handbook you were given when you crossed the Mason-Dixon Line. If you didn't read it, get out your copy & give it another shot.

And if you don't like our tradition, get in your car & you make that atttempt to drive on ice. We rather enjoy watching your "superior skills" slipin'-&-slidin' all over the roads, before you go down the embankment & slam into other Yankees doing the same thing you're doing --- showing your arse. The TV cameras will love you for it.

BTW, snow is easy. Ice is another matter. Yankees can't drive on ice either. The only difference is that our Yankee Brethren spend tax dollars on those plows & trucks --- I suppose they need that sort of equipment. Our feeling is that if you're gonna spend money on tractors & big trucks, it had better be used for either: 1) growing a food crop; or 2) needs to be in a large arena in competition with similar vehicles.

So leave our Holidays alone. If you'll slow down a bit, stop talking so danged fast & listen a little, you may just find out that you enjoy what the South has to offer.

I feel much better getting that off my chest.

1 comment:

foxofbama said...

Thanks for the strong reply, the testimony on my blog about your pilgrimage.
Cobb County is a tough cookie to do the Jesus thing in.
I cut and pasted your story to to give it the wider play it deserves; in the Memphis Declaration and Evans thread.
You have to come downtown next week. I think I'm gonna be there and if things come together may have an august lunch discussion one day; strong revenant constituency