Saturday, February 13, 2010

Southern Snow Days: Get Off My Ice

I swear, I am going to slap the fire out of someone if I hear this one more time:

You Southerners don't know how to drive on ice.

Uh, like you do? The operative words are drive (something you Yankees need to learn to do without one hand on the horn & a finger in the air) & ice (something no one can drive on anyway, so don't give me that all High-&-Mighty crap).

In GA we don't waste the taxpayer dollars on snow plows & salt trucks because we rarely have need of them. And on those rare occasions, e.g. this weekend, when we do get snow or ice, it is a Southern Holiday. The tradition is that we close down everything, sit in our warm homes, drink hot-chocolate (kids & Baptists) or spirited beverages (everyone else) & spend time with our families, or dream about those with whom we wish we were fortunate enough to be snowed-in.

Don't mess with our tradition.

You must not have read that section in the Southerner's Handbook you were given when you crossed the Mason-Dixon Line. If you didn't read it, get out your copy & give it another shot.

And if you don't like our tradition, get in your car & you make that attempt to drive on ice. We rather enjoy watching your "superior skills" slipin'-&-slidin' all over the roads, before you go down the embankment & slam into other Yankees doing the same thing you're doing --- showing your arse. The TV cameras will love you for it.

BTW, snow is easy. Ice is another matter. Yankees can't drive on ice either. The only difference is that our Yankee Brethren spend tax dollars on those plows & trucks --- I suppose they need that sort of equipment. Our feeling is that if you're gonna spend money on tractors & big trucks, it had better be used for either: 1) growing a food crop; or 2) needs to be in a large arena in competition with similar vehicles.

So leave our Holidays alone. If you'll slow down a bit, stop talking so danged fast & listen a little, you may just find out that you enjoy what the South has to offer.

I feel much better getting that off my chest.


Georgia Mountain Man said...

I love to watch the video's from "up north." Those multi-vehicle wrecks, people sliding all around and hitting each other, cars in ditches. They have clearly been fooling themselves all these years. They just think they can drive on snow and ice. That's why they go so fast "down here" and kill each other...and us.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog totally by chance. I love this in your profile "Personally, I think it is closer to the heart of God to have honest questions of doubt, than it is to be lost in cold, dead orthodoxy." That is so true.

I liked this post too. The world is allowed to stop for a few snow days :o)

News you can use, the rest you can lose said...

Thank you for posting the "truth".
I have lived all my life in the Northeast. I grew up driving in snow and ice, and you are right on in commenting that no-one, or no vehicle can "drive" on ice. as for current day drivers north of Mason-Dixon, it doesn't take snow and ice to experience a really crappy day of motoring. Please, keep the shouting loud and clear....most drivers up North really do suck!

Anonymous said...

Hmm, well maybe if the south wasn't so slow then this country wouldn't be in such bad shape. The North is sick of dragging your lazy asses around anyway. STay in your houses all you want, it's not like you contribute anything useful anyway.

That Baptist Ain't Right said...

I noticed "Anonymous" didn't leave a name or link to blog/site for identification purposes. Just as well since "Anonymous" must enjoy using vocabulary that would send no one scrambling for a dictionary.

Diane J Standiford said...

LOL, I'm from Indiana and prided myself on my driving skills come snow or ice (I worked for the post office), then I moved to Seattle and LAUGHED at the stupid drivers, slighest snow/ice and spin-outs, buses stopped,city shut down---that laughter stopped after a few years of living here. Indiana is FLAT. Seattle is HILLY (in Indiana we call 'em mountains), and like you, the snow/ice never lasts, so why invest in salt/plows, etc? Never judge a man until you've driven a mile in his car in HIS city.

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Whoo Thank You for that blog!

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Janie said...

Loved it! From your southerner to another, "You tell him!!"

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